Joke Thread

Here's the place to post all sorts of games, quizzes, or interactive competitions etc for forum members to join in with....
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hgblade
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Re: Joke Thread

Post by hgblade » Wed Nov 22, 2017 4:09 pm

Three nuns driving along a very long deserted road when they suddenly see the Devil stood in the middle of the road ahead.

The nun driving the car rapidly flashes her headlights, but the Devil shows no concern.

One of her companions tells the driver to blast the horn, but to no avail. The Devil remains unmoved, and as they're getting ever nearer now towers above them.

The senior nun, sat in the back, tells the driver "Quick, lean out of the window and show him your cross". So the driver winds down her window, leans out, and shouts "Get out of the b***ing way you f****ing moron."

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Re: Joke Thread

Post by UBT - Chris Suddick » Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:56 pm

I was playing bridge last night with an American friend and in every hand he bid 1 no trump.

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hgblade
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Re: Joke Thread

Post by hgblade » Thu Dec 07, 2017 3:38 pm

New rule for the American Bridge Association players - If you have a heart, bid no trump.

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Re: Joke Thread

Post by UBT - Chris Suddick » Thu Dec 07, 2017 6:22 pm

What do you call a singer with a small d*ck?

Justin Beaver.

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Re: Joke Thread

Post by UBT - Chris Suddick » Wed Mar 14, 2018 11:37 am

Did you know that when Charles Dickens wrote "A Tale of Two Cities", before it was published it was serialised in two local papers.

It was the Bicester Times, It was the Worcester Times.

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Re: Joke Thread

Post by UBT - Timbo » Wed Mar 14, 2018 12:47 pm

In tribute to the late, great Sir Ken Dodd, here's a link to the BBC website with 17 of his gags (although I know there are far, far more...) ;-) :

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-43370741

My fave of these is number 6 !!

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Woodles
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Re: Joke Thread

Post by Woodles » Mon Jul 09, 2018 8:42 am

There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget.

They went home and the old lady asked her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream."

She then asked her husband for a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream."

Then the old lady said she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top."

So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"

NOT a personal anecdote :P

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