Things they say...

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UBT - Mikee
Marvin the Dalek
Posts: 4395
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 12:00 am
Location: North Wales

Things they say...

Post by UBT - Mikee »

We were watching the local news last night and there was an item about culling badgers in SW Wales.

Newsguy -   "... several hundred badgers will be culled..."
Mrs Mikee - " They should get them sleeping bags then!
Me - "What?"
Mrs Mikee - "Or tents."
Me - "What are you on about?
Mrs Mikee - "Well if they're cold give them something warm!
Me - "CULLED you daft tart! Not cold!!"
Mrs Mikee - "Oh"
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UBT - bobuk
Active UBT Contributor 10+ yrs
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Re: Things they say...

Post by UBT - bobuk »

UBT - Mikee wrote:We were watching the local news last night and there was an item about culling badgers in SW Wales.

Newsguy -   "... several hundred badgers will be culled..."
Mrs Mikee - " They should get them sleeping bags then!
Me - "What?"
Mrs Mikee - "Or tents."
Me - "What are you on about?
Mrs Mikee - "Well if they're cold give them something warm!
Me - "CULLED you daft tart! Not cold!!"
Mrs Mikee - "Oh"

that has put a big smile on my face this morning  :lol:

thanks for sharing that with us mikee



b. :D
hgblade
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Joined: Fri Jan 04, 2008 12:00 am

Post by hgblade »

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

Me - "CULLED you daft tart! Not cold!!"
And you lived to tell the tale!  :lol:
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Temujin
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Post by Temujin »

LOL

Nice one Mikee :D
Ben
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Post by Ben »

D'oh!  :roll:
UBT - Mikee
Marvin the Dalek
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Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 12:00 am
Location: North Wales

Post by UBT - Mikee »

Part 2 - try this instead.....

Phone rings.

"Mike?" says mother
"Yes..."
"Freeviews gone off, there's just a black screen"

We're currently switching off the analogue transmitters here so my first thought was that she was trying to watch terrestrial.

"OK... are you sure you're trying to watch digital and not normal TV?"

"What's the difference?"
(Thinks 'this could be a long phone call')

"I'll be there in 20 minutes"

So I get there, and lo she's watching Sky.
"What's the problem?"

Mother pushes the buttons on the TV remote and nothing happens. So I think to myself 'why is she trying to turn over digital TV with the Sky remote?' I knew she could press the 'TV' button but she never bothered - always used the proper remote for the TV.

So I turned off Sky. TV reverted to normal Telly - BBC1 DTV.

"There you go - that's freeview"
"How did you know?"
"DTV = Digital TV"
"Well how did you get it?
"Er... just turned off the Sky"

You think that's it? WRONG!

"I can't change channels" says mother. And it's true! TV remote pointing a TV does not do anything.

I picked up the SKY remote, pressed TV and the channels changed as normal.

"Must be the batteries" says I
"Can't be - I thought that and just put new ones in."
Mmmm

Had a look at the remote she passed over. Looks a little odd.
"Why does it have VHS/DVD buttons?" says I
"I don't know they normally work..... oh.... hang on"
Mother disappears into the bedroom
"I think I know what the problem is...." she says as she hands over the CORRECT REMOTE for the TV!

Oh look - if you use the correct remote everything works!

On leaving I told her that under NO circumstances should she try to change channels with the mobile phone - that never works!
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melter65
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Post by melter65 »

Very Good!! :lol:  :lol:

Had similar with my Mum a while ago, luckily we were over at theirs already!

Then there was the time when she was expecting a call from my Sister so she brought the cordless phone outside into the garden. Dad came out with the beers and sat at the patio table looking puzzled.

"Why", he asked, "Have we got the VCR remote out in the garden?"

Without batting an eyelid I answered,

"Just in case our kid rings"

He just shook his head and went in for more beers! :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
UBT - Mikee
Marvin the Dalek
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Post by UBT - Mikee »

Part Three!

A lot of my job takes me to the most wild places in Wales. Trying to find some places is almost impossible. Try to find, say, Plas Cae Farm, Welshpool. Okay I have a postcode and having a Sat Nav does help, but it won't find individual places - just a general area. Very few of the places actually have names at the gate which just winds me up no end. Some people expect you to just know where they're hidden away - it's easy isn't it? NO it ain't! If it's not on an Ordnance Survey map and you haven't got a name plate how am I supposed to find it? Mobile phone? Sure! I'll just go back 5 miles to get a signal, hope someone with a bit of intelligence answers with easy directions and then drive 5 miles back again - no prob!

Rant over and back to the story...

So Mrs. Mikee had a day off so I took her with me. I was getting stressed 'cos the first few jobs involved finding these places.

Next job was actually in Welshpool - it had a proper address! Yippee!

'Where we going now' asked Mrs. Mikee

'Civilisation!' says I feeling a little happier.

'Where's that?'

'CIVILISATION - y'know where people are more civilised?' says I.

'Yes, but where is it?'

'urr... Welshpool...' (Stress levels increase due to sense of humour failure)

'Well, why didn't you say that then!

(Was very tempted to say 'are you being thick on purpose' but thought better of it).
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UBT - Mikee
Marvin the Dalek
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Location: North Wales

Post by UBT - Mikee »

So Mrs. Mikey was tasked with making the trifle to take to Boxing Day dinner at the in-laws.

It was one out of the box so I thought there shouldn't be any trouble.

I came back a couple of hours later...

'Mike'

'yes...'

'The jelly is very runny'

'How long ago did you make it?'

'Over an hour ago, it should have set by now'.

I had a look. There seemed to be a lot of it and indeed it was very runny with no sign that it was going to set at all.

'How much water did you put in' I asked.

'What it said on the packet'

'Yes dear, but how much did you put in.'

'Well It said '1 to 2 pints' so I used 2 pints.'

Sounds a lot...

'Boil 1/2 pint of water...'

'Well it looks like 1 to 2 pints to me! Why didn't they say that?

'Yes dear'
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melter65
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Post by melter65 »

My dear old mum used to make the trifles for Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve and she'd store them, overnight, in the empty oven. Every Christmas Day morning she'd remove the trifles and switch the oven on for the turkey and pork.

Until the year when the inevitable happened..........................................

She opened the oven when it reached the correct temperature, only to find two trifles bubbling away merrily!! :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
UBT - Mikee
Marvin the Dalek
Posts: 4395
Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 12:00 am
Location: North Wales

Re: Things they say...

Post by UBT - Mikee »

Hi

Time to resurrect this thread with a new bit of 'WHAT'?

So we just had the first snow of winter, everything is white with the fluffy stuff and Mrs. Mikey is wondering about how to get to work. She can change the subject without notice so it was not much of a surprise when she said...

'Have we got any brown suger?'

I had a feeling about this but I encourage

'I don't think so, why do you want brown sugar? You baking?'

'No - to melt the snow - that's what they use don't they?'

'No dear - that's salt'

'Can't be - salt is white'

'That's refined salt - they use rock salt which is brownish'

'So they don't use sugar then?'

'no dear' stifling a laugh

mmm sweet, sticky roads...

Mike
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